ATTENTION, ALL FANS OF THE VILE WRETCH
        KNOWN AS BRONSON ALCOTT PINCHOT.

        MY NAME IS CARLOS LAWRENCE McGREASY III.
        I AM A CRIMINAL MASTERMIND ABOVE ALL
        OTHERS ON PLANET EARTH.  I HAVE LAID
        WASTE TO COUNTLESS IDEAS OF SECURITY.
        I AM FOREVER.  AND I ALWAYS SHALL BE.
        HERE IS AN EXAMPLE OF MY VILLAINY:

        DURING MY SOPHOMORE YEAR IN HIGH SCHOOL
        (AN EDUCATIONAL INSTITUTION SOME MAY
        CALL SOPHOMORIC ITSELF, HEH!), I WAS IN
        DANGER OF RECEIVING A GRADE OF "C" IN
        PHYSICAL EDUCATION.  THE MONGOLOID OF
        A MAN WHO WAS COACHING THE CLASS CLAIMED
        THAT I COULD NOT PASS THE NATIONALLY
        STANDARDIZED PHYSICAL FITNESS TEST.  I
        SHOWED HIM A THING OR TWO ABOUT CUNNING,
        LET ME TELL YOU.  UPON BEING MAILED MY
        REPORT CARD, I INTERCEPTED ITS ENVELOPE
        AND SHREWDLY TRANSFORMED THE "C" INTO AN
        "O".  HA HA!  NONE WERE THE WISER!
        CARLOS LAWRENCE McGREASY III HAD STRUCK
        AGAIN!

 

            HERE IS A PHOTOGRAPH OF
         ME ENJOYING A VICTORY SODA
        FOLLOWING THE SUCCESS OF MY
                         EVIL RUSE:
 
 
 

        UNFORTUNATELY FOR MR. PINCHOT, MY WRATH
        IS AIMED IN HIS DIRECTION.  FOR TOO
        MANY YEARS, HE HAS THWARTED ME AT EVERY
        TURN.  MY PINCHCLONES WILL BE THE LAST
        PROJECT OF MINE HE FOILS!  REST ASSURED,
        DEAR SIRS AND MADAMES, I WILL HAVE THE
        LAST LAUGH!

        BEWARE, PINCHOT!  BEWARE...

        CARLOS LAWRENCE McGREASY III - OUT.